woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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