I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
