all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
