I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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