Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
