remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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