Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
