what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's shark week go big or go home
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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