Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
