Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
