Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
