so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
