who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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