I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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