You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
