yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
