don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Randomize