Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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