Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
