you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
