I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
