he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think my moral compass just broke
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