Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Boobs speak an international language.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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