Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
