This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
