Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
