During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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