Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
