Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
