highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
