it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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