just tell him i said nine months
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
