My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I need a burrito and a hug.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
