I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
