i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
