I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
