fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
