Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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