i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
