my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
