life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize