I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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