Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
