now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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