Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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