so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
