I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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