last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
