Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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