After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
