just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
