you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
