he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
