I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
