drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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