At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
