yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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