you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize