Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want to make out with him forever
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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