I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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