so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
