I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
