Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
