We need to start having sex underwater more often.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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