I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
