I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh god the rape fog is back!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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