I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sext me about skeletons
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
